Community Post: 18 Simple Life Hacks For Anyone Who Grew Up In The ’80s Or ’90s

1. Freeze time by saying “time out!” and making the corresponding hand gesture

Because there aren’t enough hours in the day to accomplish everything you need to do on Facebook.

2. Alternative: touch your fingers together to freeze time

Don’t forget to clap your hands when you’re done! Note: only works if your father is from the planet Antareus and communicates with you through a cube.

3. Touch your ear, say “showtime, Synergy!,” and let you holographic double do some of the work

Because life is a two-person job, and they just added a new season of Law & Order: SVU to Netflix.

4. Trick your enemies into saying “I don’t know,” and let the slime show them who’s boss

Because you don’t have time to craft the perfect comeback. Note: getting them to say “water” also works, but not as well.

5. Press Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start

It’s a lot easier to make stupid mistakes when you have 30 extra lives — even though you’ll probably spend most of them on YouTube.

6. Write down life’s hardest questions, and let Ghostwriter answer them for you

Because how else do you expect to learn the answers — through experience, suffering, and reflection?

7. Use your temple pendant

Creditors, landlords, your boss, your kids… who needs them? Give them your temple pendant, get them off your back, and just be done with it already.

8. Use a warp whistle

Skip over the hard stuff… you deserve instant gratification.

9. Say “synchronize Swatches!” and watch the perfect plan fall into place

Now *you* can’t lose.

10. Hold [Shift] and type “FUND” for $10,000 instantly

Savings accounts are for suckers. Now you can buy all the Apple products you want! Don’t forget to turn disasters off!

11. Put your robot sister to work

Because unlike you, she wasn’t programmed to feel self-entitlement.

12. Say “hocus pocus alamagocus!” and put department store mannequins to work

Just make sure they don’t dance too much.

13. Buy a pet alligator, and then put *it* to work

Basically just avoid doing work.

14. Use a lightning bolt, banana peel, or koopa shell

Your co-workers all stay late and work hard to get ahead… but you can put a quick stop to that!

15. Morph into a puddle of whatever Alex Mack turns into, and sneak out under a door

Why face your problems and responsibilities when you can melt your way out of them?

16. Use a helicopter hat, and get where you need to go faster

For when you’re late to brunch or an ironic kickball game with your hipster friends. Note: an inflatable trench coat also works.

17. Or, use aerosol spray cans to propel you off the ground

Just watch out for electromagnetic radiation!

18. Use a Game Genie code

You never learned how to beat “Sonic the Hedgehog” the hard way, so why should your life be any different?

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